Days before the Clincal School

I haven’t felt so genuinely happy for some time…

I guess I have too few genuine friends. It's very difficult for a friendship to blossom when both parties live thousands of miles apart from each other. However, I really do cherish the very few who cares about me.

I know, for certain, that someday in future, each of them will get attached and have a world of their own.

Hence, it really pains me to think of the possibility that I'll be left alone and lonely, with suicidal thoughts invading my mind subsequently.

I'm a person who can hardly survive without a partner. I'm worried that I'll become lonelier and be forgotten as I age. I've never really had a successful relationship in my entire life. I don't know what I've been doing for the past 20 years. For as long as I can remember, I've been trying to keep myself alive in a highly competitive learning environment in which everyone wants to outshine the rest.

The Clincial School is starting soon. I feel helpless and worried. The academic pressure I'd be facing, somehow, will help in numbing and anaesthetizing me to all these pessimistic thoughts. But then, the effect is not permanent. Many a time, I'm soaked in fear, not knowing where my life leads to and what the future holds for me. And the something bigger and tragic *****.. has yet to come. Aih. I really don't know how to deal with this sort of calamity that's imminent and bound to happen.

My life isn't perfect. With all the challenges and hurdles. Sometimes, I feel very discontented.
Disgruntled. Lonely. And demoralized.

But then, I always convince myself to extirpate these negative thoughts from my mind and enjoy the remnant of my university life.

It’s just not easy to live , alone.

Weakened Heart

When I look at you, I see forgiveness….
When you smile at me, a light shines behind your head showing me how perfect you are to me……
When I look at you I see the truth….

I wish I could freeze the time... !!!!!!!!!!

I cannot stop thinking of you. Now.

I cannot stop thinking of all the wonderful times we ever spent together, so short, but there they are playing and replaying in my mind.

I cannot stop trying to convince myself that I cannot hold you in my arms at this moment.

I cannot stop telling myself that you won’t be by my side again when I wake up.

I cannot stop replaying the scene when I drove away, and disappeared through the lobby.

My heart is bleeding... but words seem not enough to describe the reason why I've fallen so deep for you. Words fail me terribly..

The Memoirs of Myself (2009-2011)

I am not good in describing events, travelling experiences and food tasting. But the life in the Medical Phase I have left me innumerable sweet and good memories, which I think, must be written down in this forsaken diary.

Since I entered the IMU at the age of 19, I have braved through crisis after crisis lol. Had I been careless, I would have been crushed by the exams. The risk of failing has always been imminent. Oops… O.O

And now, the 2.5 years Phase I finally takes its expiry. It staggers me how rapidly time has flown.

I was having mixture of feeling as I browse the photos. Wonderful moments have always been short. And more than half of the cohort is transferring overseas, while I embrace myself into the heart of Seremban!

Kris's 22nd Bday.
So far, this is the last full-attendance photo taken together in April 2011.

The PBL and KKB housemates.

August 2010. I love the Ice-cream uncle opposite the hospital!!

August 2010. Fellow juniors...


The complete Alpha Boomers Family Photo!! I love this the most!! I will miss u guys till siao..

WeeShen. The small kid. hehe.

Anything, be it good or bad will come to an end. These 2.5 years was much faster than anticipated.

The time moves on, and as we go on, I will remember all the times we have had together. I know it will be extremely difficult to reunite all of us. Some of them will be busy with post-graduate studies or even families. Till then, I wish all of us will cherish each day and those who have a place in our heart.